Frustrations

It's before 10 pm on a Friday night and I am in my pajamas, in bed. I am actually really thrilled about this, as it's been a frustrating few days--in minor ways that bother me slightly and slightly until I finally realize what has been frustrating about it. (More on that in a minute.) Today wasn't frustrating at all, though! I had some meetings (ok, a little frustrating) but also good, heartfelt chats with two other grad students. We're all trying to work through some of the feelings of inadequacy you have when you start grad school--my main one, I think, is gaps in theory, while someone else is worried about reading critically, or articulating our thoughts in class without being intimidated, or time management, things like that. It's nice to talk that over with someone. And then I went over to my sister's roommate's parents--could that be any more confusing?--house for dinner, which was great: crab enchiladas, avocado salad, pumpkin beer, and persimmon puddings, plus a game of Quiddler after dinner for good measure. They are super sweet people. And getting off campus makes for a very nice change.

But anyway, frustrations, which upon reflection fall under the broad umbrella of xenophobia. The first (and worst) instance happened on Tuesday night, at a talk given by my Islamic Art professor at the rare books library. She was talking about Islamic book arts from the 7th-10th centuries, with some snacks afterward, and a chance to look up close at some of the books. So I'd just settled in with my glass of wine for the in-depth viewing when the woman seated behind me spoke up. She is an older woman who I've seen at a few other art events, and the first genuinely grumpy person I have met here. She has a cane and I truly believe she would hit me with it. Here's what happened:
Older woman, to my professor: Are you a Muslim?
Professor, smiling: Ah, I'm equidistant from all religions. Because I'm an academic.
Older woman: Your first name is Christiane, isn't it? Isn't it interesting that you're not studying Christian art. Your first name should be Moslema or something. [the friend I'm sitting next to jabs me in the ribs at this point]
Professor: Well, as you can tell by my name, I'm likely not from a Muslim tradition! I study Islamic art because I find it beautiful and interesting. The religion, and my religion, have no bearing on it.

My professor handled it really well, but it was mortifying for all concerned. First of all, the assumption that you would study something solely based on your religion is pretty offensive, and it is something that is NEVER asked of Christian art historians. I can almost guarantee that. And the way she quizzed my professor was so accusatory, which probably has to do with the fact that my professor is young. Then there is the underlying idea that non-Western art is not worth studying unless you're a Muslim or a Buddhist, say, because those are the only people who would be interested in it--because it's not "real" art. Infuriating.

Related, and a more broad-ranging frustration, is the general xenophobia of every Western art history text I've read this semester, written before, say, 1980. I'm sure there are many unbiased, lovely texts from this period, but I haven't met them yet. The Italian bias is especially starting to really bother me, which is problematic since I study Italian art. For example, I had to read a book this week on Rembrandt, where the author's thesis was that Rembrandt was an offensive and repulsive artist until he finally accepted Vasari and Italian art theory into his life and then he was slightly a less offensive and repulsive artist. And this is from a book ON Rembrandt. Everything I read about him was comparing him to Titian, or wanting to imitate Italian artists and not being quite good enough. And there is so much underlying misogyny. I've learned to accept it from primary sources, indeed, expect it, but when it's scholars' misogyny and I don't have a proper classroom outlet for talking about it...blahh!

These are not major events, but they do point to an underlying trend of religious and cultural intolerance that I don't know what to do with. And the privileging of one culture over another. I love Italian art history. But sometimes I really, really wish I studied something else.

PS Today is my MAMA'S BIRTHDAY!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! xoxoxoxoxxo ...Which also means I am 23 and a half. It's been a whizz-bang year so far!